A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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