I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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