i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
