saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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