btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
