She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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