I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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