Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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