you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
