Cold hands, warm shart.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize