So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
