I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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