D3 body, D1 cock
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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