dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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