Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
