and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
