I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
