Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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