What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
