dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
