I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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