You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
