yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
