i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
