What did we do last night that was yellow?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
