the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Send help, water and tortillas.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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