Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
