Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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