Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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