the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
