I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
