what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize