Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
