Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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