I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
