I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
