his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
