i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
