The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
