i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize