got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize