grandma shit on top of the toilet
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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