The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
