I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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