you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
