so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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