He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
