i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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