I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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