my sisters under your porch take her home
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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