Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
i out mim tonsoeep
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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