the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just googled if crying burns calories
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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