i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
