I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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