Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
