I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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