THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
