Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
