we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
