I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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