he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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