I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize