i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The beer is more important than you right now.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
