Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
its liver damage thursday
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize