i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
