sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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