Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize