The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
