You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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