i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
