so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
