I'm really into asian looking animals
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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