I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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