I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize