My friends, they love my intelligence
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
