I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
