She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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