VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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