Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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