I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
