im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
