Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
