Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
