So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
