i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
