You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
