If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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