Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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