Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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