When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
