if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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