i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
