So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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