evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
it glows. i had to have it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
