lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize