it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
