A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
