i need an iv and a liver transplant
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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