So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
