I wish I could punch you in the face.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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