Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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