We need to rekindle our bromance
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
