Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
