I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You ever have a fart follow you around?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
